Today is hard.
Today I skipped church and had my own personal worship time at home, because it's quiet here and I needed to cry.
Today, I'm having a really hard time trusting God. I'm having a hard time trusting that He will come through, that He will provide. I'm having a hard time trusting Him with my funds for this September. I'm having a hard time letting Him take my fear.
Today, I give up.
I give up that fear that's lurking in my mind, the one that keeps whispering that I won't make it to Belize in a few weeks. I give up that fear that says that my money isn't going to come in. I give up that fear that I'm not worth donating money or prayer or time to.
This is God's plan, not mine. It wasn't my plan to leave for Belize again this September. I wanted to go to North Carolina, or back to Africa. It wasn't my plan to be here in Washington for the summer. It definitely wasn't my plan to be in missions. But it was God's plan. And really, that's enough for me.
That's enough. God, You are enough. And so I give up these fears, I give up these irrational thoughts that You won't come through, that You don't know what You're doing, and I choose to trust. I choose to give it up, give me up, to You. Simply because You are Yahweh. And I am not.
So here. Take me.
"God, I look to You. I won't be overwhelmed. Give me vision to see things like You do. God, I look to You. You're where my help comes from. Give me wisdom, You know just what to do. So I will love you..."
-God I Look To You, Bethel Church
"You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you."
-Psalm 63:1-5 (NIV)
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