Love. Passion. Explosion. Voice.

Sometimes it seems like there's not much reason to sing. It's raining outside, and it's cold, and my heart is feeling more uncertain by the minute... God doesn't seem to be answering, or He doesn't even seem to be there. Nothing is working out the way I expected. I lost my job. It's hard to play guitar when my fingers are no longer used to the strings. I have no drive to do anything, I have no motivation... why sing?

And then I remember.

I remember that I just ate rice with chicken curry over it. I remember that my stomach is satisfied, and my lips are sipping from a warm cup of tea. I remember that I am in a house, full of things that I am free to use: a shower, a toilet, a sink, a dishwasher, a refrigerator, a bed, a mirror, a computer, shoes. I have access to everything I need. I remember that I don't need to stand out in that cold rain and become drenched by its chill as I beg for food or steal money from the pockets of passers-by, in hopes to get a little nourishment before night falls once again. I remember that my home is full of people who love me. I don't need to go searching for acceptance, because I'm secure. I remember that I have a God who has promised to fight for me, always. I remember that I am not alone.

Some days it's difficult to remember. Some days, it's hard to remember that I know who I am, and I know that I have a purpose. 

And then days like today come around. Days where I wake up, look out the window at the rain, and can't help but burst into laughter. Who would have ever thought that water would be able to fall from the sky? It's intriguing, really. Today I remember why I have a reason to sing. I remember what God's presence feels like, and I know that if I seek Him, I will find Him. I know that He will never leave me alone. 

Today reminds me why I can sing. Today reminds me that I am free. I was talking with a friend on Monday  about fear. Confession: I used to be deathly afraid of the dark. I slept with a light on in my room, because if something was going to kill me (and I was positive that something was going to), I wanted to be able to see it first. Then at least I had a fighting chance. But while we were talking about fear, I realized that my fears have been set to rest. My fears have fled, because I have grasped onto something bigger, something stronger than fear. I have grasped onto JOY. I have held onto the promise that God gave me in Deuteronomy 33:26-28. I have grabbed onto His hand and trusted Him with my life, with my future, no matter what the cost.

I can sing today, I can sing forever, because He has taken me from fear, He has taken me from uncertainty and insecurity into a freedom that will last forever. FOREVER. His presence and life is something that I cannot be robbed of, and I don't have to run away from fear anymore. Now I can face it, now I can sing directly into it's wailing winds and remember that as long as I cling to my Father, as long as I cling to His promise, to His light... there will always be a reason to sing.

So tell me why I should run for cover

At the sound of the coming thunder

All I hear is the cry of my Lover

Yeah take your shot

I won't turn back.

(lyrics from Won't Turn Back, by Need To Breathe)