Church with a View.

Voices raised as knees touched the ground, heads lifted and arms stretched; life and joy and peace flooding the hearts of the people within the room. I stepped through the doorway and immediately a wave of raw love washed over me, pulling me further in. I was greeted by many, the love of their Jesus radiating from their faces as they welcomed me and my friend into the presence of the Almighty God with hugs and handshakes. We were invited to join in praising the Father as the music changed and Kim Walker's voice started to sing out glorious words over the sound system.

The Holy Spirit was alive here.

Fountains of glory rolled off the tongues of God's beautiful children as we opened our mouths and allowed His Spirit to speak in foreign languages through us. I closed my eyes and was overcome with the beauty and the passion that my Father has for me. Grasping the chair in front of me, I thanked Him and praised Him for His glorious love and presence within my life and the healing that He has brought to my heart. Joy cascaded over me and I laughed; a rich and deep flowing laughter that can only come from Him and His Spirit.

I felt alive here.

I spent three weeks in Orange County, California this month, and I learned so much more about the Father than I thought I was going to. The experience above was one of the most beautiful moments, one of the richest and most fulfilling nights of my time spent with the churches, but it only captures one facet of my Jesus.

He is diverse.

I was privileged to witness His love poured out on many different congregations; from the well-dressed beautiful souls at Saddleback Church to the tattered homeless at a local ministry church held in a back parking lot at a motel. A smaller, more familial-feeling church in Laguna hung in the balance between these two, evening it out with a more earthy, raw passion vibrating through its congregation. Throughout the entire process of meeting and worshiping with and loving on the wonderfully diverse and equally stunning people at each location, I was struck with an almost heart-wrenching, yet incredibly simple thought:

Jesus has so many faces.

Simply put, yet saddening because I often find myself, when thinking of Jesus and His children, stereotyping the people that should be in this "Christian" category. I place labels on people, I categorize and place them into mental boxes... and I absolutely hate that. I never want to judge by the exterior of the beautiful, fearfully and marvelously crafted men and women that stand before me at any given moment.

I can't describe how brilliantly wonderful it's been to see the many faces of God within this past month. And to think that He will continue to reveal Himself to me through the church; again and again... that is awe-inspiring.

His church has no denomination. It encompasses all who believe and trust in Him; the rich, the filthy, the Pentecostal and the Baptist, the alcoholic and the adulteress. There is no discrimination. His church is full of love; of life and of healing and of hope. It stands on His truth and His unwavering merciful and just nature; wrapping His children in His arms and showering them with His guidance and grace.

His church is beautiful.

Sing to God a brand new song;

sing His praises all over the world!

Let the sea and its fish give a round of applause

    with all the far-flung islands joining in.

Let the desert and its camps raise a tune

   Calling the Kedar nomads to join in.

Let the villagers in Sela round up a choir

    and perform from the tops of the mountains.

Make God’s glory resound;

    echo his praises from coast to coast."

-Isaiah 42:10-12

Thrive

I honestly don't know how to start this. I would absolutely love to describe the past three months in a way that grasps everything that has happened, but even the aspiration of such a task seems insurmountable.

I could try to paint a picture of the countless lives that were transformed; lay out stories of individuals whose hearts were wrecked by God in a way that one could only understand if their heart had been through a similar process.

I could draw out pages and pages of details on the healings and freedoms and perspectives gained. I could speak of the demons shattered and the heart-wrenching memories broken; of the strongholds of the enemy that were infiltrated and captured for the King.

I could describe the moments where I sat and held students shaking, sobbing, crying out in pain or fear. I could explain the way that my heart wrenched with anguish on the nights that I wandered around the deserted base, praying and crying, letting my frustration at the enemy vent as I prayed against his very existence on our base.

I could recount many nights of laughter, sitting at the drink palapa with guitars and coke, playing cards and losing game after game after game to one of the students. I could sketch moments of pure ecstasy, where I'm sitting with my small group girls on the end of the dock, washing their feet and blessing them one-by-one as the rest of them swim around the dock or stand on the bench dancing and shouting with laughter.

I could try to describe so many moments...but I don't think I can capture them in a way that they are meant to be captured. I could use all the adjectives in the world and still not convey the right meaning for certain moments.

These three months have been full of 34 students whose lives have been insanely transformed; both audaciously and subtly. Watching them flourish and rise from ashes of past hurts, misgivings, destructive behaviors, and hostile mindsets has been such an extraordinary happening to be a part of.

The September 2012 Lecture Phase is coming to a close for these students, and as they take off to head to their different countries for outreach, I couldn't be more proud. I have been here to witness and encourage them through three months of their lives, and I am ecstatic to hear about their adventures on outreach. I can't describe my love for them, and the best part is; I get to do this all over again in January, with a new set of students.

I realized a few days ago that I am a part of something so incredibly large, so incredibly important; something  that makes a large impression on the lives of many people. And I have the immense privilege of watching men and women of God filter through this school and learn about His awesome, magnificent, marvelous love. I get to be a part of guiding them, of encouraging and listening to them, of praying with them through the night and rejoicing with them through the brilliant dawn.

I am a part of a movement that is so large and encompassing; so important and beautiful; and I am so humbled by that. The fact that I get to live in Belize and watch freedom and healing happen before my very eyes--to facilitate freedom and healing... this is incredible. This is a huge responsibility. It's excruciatingly intricate sometimes. It's extremely taxing. It's abundantly rewarding. And I love every moment of it.

I feel like I'm in my element; learning and teaching, growing and molding, being and doing, following and leading. It's an endless cycle of hope and tears, of joy and sadness. It's beautiful.

And it takes more than just me. I am so privileged to have such a vast prayer team at home; friends and family that are willing to keep me on their hearts in prayer. They are the reason I am here right now; the reason this is so effective. The reason I can be with my small group girls and speak life over them as they sit before me voicing doubts, or dance with them as they gain healing and hope. I LOVE THIS. And I LOVE the team behind me that is supporting me.

So I continue to be thankful, to realize that this endeavor is more than I could ever imagine. To become more vulnerable and more stable in our Jesus, in the Holy Spirit, in my Daddy. I am taking hold of the joy He has given me as a gift, and embracing these students as they head off this week into a new adventure, into a new lifestyle. I've found my place for this season; my sweet spot.

And so I will continue to soak in Jesus, to write, and share my thoughts, and be present, and thrive.

Belize. Laughter. Mosquitoes.

All I hear is laughter. It's like I've stepped into a realm of joy, and I've been told my presence brings the promise of more.

Being back in Belize is a breath of fresh air. Seeing those whom I'd previously met here as well as forming friendships with the new staff members who are coming in to DP this next season has been incredible! There are four new staff members; myself included. David, Dallas, and Zoe are all new this year, the boys did their DTS with DP this past January, while Zoe's was in 2008 while Destination Paradise still had their boats.

I've been here almost a full week, as I arrived last Tuesday morning. The past week has been spent settling into this new space and getting to know the rest of the staff here. Zoe and I spent a few mornings sanding and painting bunk beds that Rene, one of the other staff members, built for the students. It was hot, sweaty work and took us three days to finish six beds, but it was so fulfilling! It wasn't hard work, but we were productive and it was fun to bond and laugh with Zoe while we worked.

Today we started staff training week and I think the next few days will be amazing. It's beautiful hearing the hearts of these incredible people, coming together in the name of our Father, working towards one common goal. We're preparing for 34 students to arrive on base and praying that as they arrive, the presence of Jesus would be tangible to them on base.

Please join in prayer with us as we ask Jesus to prepare our hearts to be His hands and feet, as we prepare to give our all to these kids, pouring out His love and grace over them and walking with integrity and strong character as we lead.

I'm excited for the students to arrive. A little nervous if I'm honest, but mostly stoked to be a part of their lives and have the opportunity to speak truth and freedom and love over the lives of these young people. I know Jesus will blow them away with His presence and His intense, graceful, beautiful love. I know He will challenge me in ways I might not have been challenged before. I am so excited to see how He decides to lead this next school!

Being on staff definitely has a different quality to it than coming in as a student. I absolutely love bonding with the staff--laughing with them, watching movies, snorkeling, cooking, swimming, reading, discussing... Every bit of it. Like I said earlier; joy prevails here. Laughter doesn't seem to stop, and there are so many opportunities I claim joy in every situation, it's amazing. It blows me away that already God is opening me to things I hadn't realized before coming here, things He's been trying to teach me all summer that I'm finally realizing.

He is so good, the way He loves unconditionally and doesn't condemn. His patience with me is astounding!

Anyhow, these are just a ton of random thoughts and snippets of life since I've been here. I'll write more this week, I just wanted To put something out so you all know I'm doing well so far. T

Adventure is Out There!

One of the most exciting realizations I've had is that Jesus LOVES adventure! He LOVES taking me places I've never been. He LOVES sharing in the challenges that arise in the unknown waters, and He absolutely LOVES it when I invite Him to do more than just participate-- but to lead.

It's time for another adventure with my Daddy, and I can't explain how excited I am!

In about 13 hours I'll be boarding my first flight on my journey to Belize. Tomorrow evening, I'll be sitting in God's presence, listening to the water against the dock and looking into the blackness over the sea, inhaling the salty tropical air that my lungs so dearly love. I'll be laughing, talking, bonding with the rest of the staff members; some of which I know, others I'll be meeting for the first time. I'll be unpacking and getting ready for the next few months, settling down in my new home and learning to be comfortable there again.

JESUS IS GOOD. My heart has been drawn to Belize since I left, and only my Daddy knew I'd go back. He knew when I'd leave, and how perfect the timing would be, and how much money I would need, and how many people would donate or help with fundraisers or give me jobs. He knew that last night I'd be sad about leaving home and family, and He knew which songs I needed to hear to realize that only He can bring peace, only He can be my comfort. He is so good. I can't say it enough.

I am so excited to go on this adventure with Jesus. I am so excited for Him to break me, teach me, lead me, love on me. I am so excited to be in a place where I need to lean on Him every moment of every day, because my words are not enough, my actions fail, and my heart is selfish. But HE... He is perfect. He will speak, and His heart will shine through this frail human body and man... He will create some amazing, beautiful light in this world. I am so excited for Him to work; for Him to love, and love, and love, and love.

He is so good.

Oh What a Day is Today!

You ever have those moments where you're sitting somewhere (this time I happened to be in a crowd of people, in the middle of church) and you get a thought that just completely blows your mind? I was walking to my chair during church after grabbing a cup of coffee and filling my water bottle, had almost made it, and one of those thoughts hit me.

Before I go further, you have to realize that I'm not the most graceful person on the face of the planet. One of my friends tells me that I have "helmet and crayons" moments. I always seem to wind up in awkward or messy situations. (Like getting mashed potatoes in my hair and steak in my eye (what?!) during a date in high school... who does that?) Also, we have a pretty small church, ranging from about 100-175 people, in a room smaller than a gym, where you can hear everything that's going on.

Anyways, earlier today I'm almost to my seat, cup of coffee (no lid... bad choice) in hand, and am about to slip into my row of chairs when one of those mind-blowing thoughts hits me. It's so mind-blowing that I decide to drop my water bottle. In the middle of church. While the pastor is talking.

As I drop my water bottle, the hand holding the cup of coffee jerks a bit, and hot coffee splashes over the rim and drenches my fingers. I stable it with the other hand, effectively drenching that one in coffee as well (I'm still standing in the middle of the aisle, and people are staring. And I'm getting coffee everywhere, including all over my forehead as I wipe my hair out of my eyes) and I can't figure out how to get my water bottle off of the ground without flashing everyone because I'm wearing a short-ish dress, so I just sit down in the nearest chair, giggling hysterically as my friends around me are all trying to contain their laughter and my pastor is trying not to be distracted.

Thankfully an older gentleman across the aisle retrieved my water bottle for me, and I was able to find something to wipe my hands (and forehead) off with. 

Point of story: Life is messy.

I can't share the realization I had at the moment, because I can't put it into words, but you'll probably get that later this week. For now though, it's been amazing to realize just how human I am today. I have not had one non-awkward day this entire week, though I think today was by far the most hilarious. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm looking through lenses that are slightly out of focus and a little off, and maybe the frames are bent and they don't fit right over my eyes. I feel like life is a little like that--disjointed and battered, and if you focus on one thing for too long it just starts to hurt and make you dizzy. 

Basically, I just want to tell you not to worry about it. Life is messy. I know I am messy! (Ask any of my old roommates...) And if you focus too hard, or try to do everything at once, you might end up like I did today; in the middle of a crowd, at a loss for what to do, too overwhelmed to do anything but laugh (or cry), and completely embarrassed. So don't worry about it. Go with it, give it to God, and let Him be the one who directs you. Learn to laugh at yourself and your mistakes, and take them in stride. Easier said than done, yes, but it's worth it. 

Don't worry about it. :)