Little Chunk of Sunshine

I was at work today (I work at a Pizzeria), clearing off tables and re-setting them, going through the now-familiar motions and listening to the chatter of the customers around me. I was just about to walk away from the area I was in when an older couple sitting at a nearby table stopped me. The gentleman peered at me from behind his glasses-clad blue eyes and gave me a grin,

"Young lady, are you going to school?" I replied that I wasn't right now, but was saving money to go to school for psychology and music. His wife's eyes lit up and she put her hand on my arm, thoroughly excited for me. I spent the next ten minutes talking with this couple as they asked me about my dreams and my adventures; encouraging me in my interests and very sternly telling me that, "The world can always find more waitresses, but not many are willing to help others psychologically. Go after your dream!"

I can't describe how incredibly blessed I am by this couple. I don't know their names, but I dearly hope that this lovely couple realized how much they mean to those around them; their willingness to take the time to stop and get to know a 20-year-old waitress at a pizzeria for a few minutes drastically changed the atmosphere of my entire day. It was a beautifully God-orchestrated meeting, and though God wasn't once mentioned in our conversation, I believe that He was specifically placing them in my day to bless me, and in turn for me to bless them.

I love kind people. I love how excitement spreads. I love that a ten-minute conversation with complete strangers can inspire in me an attitude to exhort the passions and desires in others, encouraging them to follow their dreams as I chase after mine.

I am so thankful for the generations that have gone before mine; for those who are wise and experienced in this world. I am so thankful for this couple; for the time and energy they spend encouraging others.

I am ridiculously blessed.

Forfeit.

You know what the greatest tragedy in life is? It's someone whose god gets smaller and smaller with each passing day.

Maybe it's time to stop placing four-dimensional limits on God. Maybe it's time to stop putting God in a box the size of your cerebral cortex. Maybe it's time to stop creating God in your image and let Him create you in His.

The more we grow, the bigger God should get. And the bigger God gets, the smaller our lions will become.

- Mark Batterson

I'm currently reading a book called 'In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day', written by Mark Batterson. It uses the story of Benaiah, from 2 Samuel 23. All we know about Benaiah is this:

Benaiah son of Jehoiada, a valiant fighter from Kabzeel, performed great exploits. He struck down Moab’s two mightiest warriors. He also went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion. And he struck down a huge Egyptian. Although the Egyptian had a spear in his hand, Benaiah went against him with a club. He snatched the spear from the Egyptian’s hand and killed him with his own spear. (2 Sam. 23:20-21)

This book focuses on the fact that Benaiah followed a lion into a snowy pit... and killed it. Generally, one would never follow a lion down into a dark, snowy, cold pit with the sole purpose of killing it. Snow inhibits us as humans, it makes us cold and stiff. It's hard to maneuver in. And in the dark of a pit, it's even more slippery than usual because it's potentially crystallized into ice. Lions have superior vision to humans in the darkness; their eyes let in more light than ours, and they can see in the dark. They have four huge, sure paws and a thick fur coat to protect themselves from the cold. Clearly, the lion had the advantage.

Yet Benaiah wasn't fearful enough to run away from it; rather, he pursued this lion into it's own territory and killed it.

This is a wonderful analogy for my own personal fears. As I'm reading this book, I've been mulling over the fact that I have so many more fears underneath my surface than I imagined. I was sitting on the end of the dock last night, staring out at the deep black hovering over the sea, and I was intimately aware of the fact that I had fear welling up inside of me. I spent a good amount of time trying to decipher what the fear was from and I realized that, just as this book states, I've been putting my God into a four-dimensional box. I've been containing Him within the realms of my mind because that's what I understand. I can't understand or fathom the greatness of Him when He is outside of the confines that I've placed Him in.

This past week has been one of many such realizations, and I am actively taking a stand against the fear that so easily entangles me. I'm coming against the fear that my Father cannot protect me. I give up the control that I so desperately want to have, because I trust myself... and I choose to trust Him instead. I break the fear of failure, the fear of being hurt. I claim the freedom that has always been here, has always been placed in front of me, and I choose to dance in His wild and beautiful and fierce and loving presence with an expectancy of more life, of more depth.

I had a vision of myself dancing and twirling on top of the ocean, clothed in garments of silver, my hair flowing behind me, streaked with purple and gold, my eyes burning with an intense joy. A single crystalline tear traveled down my face, and I grinned. That was it. No explanation came for a few moments, and then I started to pray it out, and it made so much sense. I want to dance in the royalty and the raw, wild joy that He has given me. I will let myself be vulnerable, let my emotions show like that single tear on my cheek, clear and shining and real. I will let myself do the impossible; dancing on water and laughing in the face of the fear that says that I can't.

I will not forfeit my dreams for fear of the unknown. My dreams hold a weight of enormity; they speak of passion and they cry out for adventure. I will not quench or silence these dreams and ambitions because of the fear of inadequacy. I will tame my fear. I will walk in His freedom. And I will kill the lions within, because in Him, I can slaughter beasts and love the unlovable in the same breath.

My God will not be placed in a box.

Thrive

I honestly don't know how to start this. I would absolutely love to describe the past three months in a way that grasps everything that has happened, but even the aspiration of such a task seems insurmountable.

I could try to paint a picture of the countless lives that were transformed; lay out stories of individuals whose hearts were wrecked by God in a way that one could only understand if their heart had been through a similar process.

I could draw out pages and pages of details on the healings and freedoms and perspectives gained. I could speak of the demons shattered and the heart-wrenching memories broken; of the strongholds of the enemy that were infiltrated and captured for the King.

I could describe the moments where I sat and held students shaking, sobbing, crying out in pain or fear. I could explain the way that my heart wrenched with anguish on the nights that I wandered around the deserted base, praying and crying, letting my frustration at the enemy vent as I prayed against his very existence on our base.

I could recount many nights of laughter, sitting at the drink palapa with guitars and coke, playing cards and losing game after game after game to one of the students. I could sketch moments of pure ecstasy, where I'm sitting with my small group girls on the end of the dock, washing their feet and blessing them one-by-one as the rest of them swim around the dock or stand on the bench dancing and shouting with laughter.

I could try to describe so many moments...but I don't think I can capture them in a way that they are meant to be captured. I could use all the adjectives in the world and still not convey the right meaning for certain moments.

These three months have been full of 34 students whose lives have been insanely transformed; both audaciously and subtly. Watching them flourish and rise from ashes of past hurts, misgivings, destructive behaviors, and hostile mindsets has been such an extraordinary happening to be a part of.

The September 2012 Lecture Phase is coming to a close for these students, and as they take off to head to their different countries for outreach, I couldn't be more proud. I have been here to witness and encourage them through three months of their lives, and I am ecstatic to hear about their adventures on outreach. I can't describe my love for them, and the best part is; I get to do this all over again in January, with a new set of students.

I realized a few days ago that I am a part of something so incredibly large, so incredibly important; something  that makes a large impression on the lives of many people. And I have the immense privilege of watching men and women of God filter through this school and learn about His awesome, magnificent, marvelous love. I get to be a part of guiding them, of encouraging and listening to them, of praying with them through the night and rejoicing with them through the brilliant dawn.

I am a part of a movement that is so large and encompassing; so important and beautiful; and I am so humbled by that. The fact that I get to live in Belize and watch freedom and healing happen before my very eyes--to facilitate freedom and healing... this is incredible. This is a huge responsibility. It's excruciatingly intricate sometimes. It's extremely taxing. It's abundantly rewarding. And I love every moment of it.

I feel like I'm in my element; learning and teaching, growing and molding, being and doing, following and leading. It's an endless cycle of hope and tears, of joy and sadness. It's beautiful.

And it takes more than just me. I am so privileged to have such a vast prayer team at home; friends and family that are willing to keep me on their hearts in prayer. They are the reason I am here right now; the reason this is so effective. The reason I can be with my small group girls and speak life over them as they sit before me voicing doubts, or dance with them as they gain healing and hope. I LOVE THIS. And I LOVE the team behind me that is supporting me.

So I continue to be thankful, to realize that this endeavor is more than I could ever imagine. To become more vulnerable and more stable in our Jesus, in the Holy Spirit, in my Daddy. I am taking hold of the joy He has given me as a gift, and embracing these students as they head off this week into a new adventure, into a new lifestyle. I've found my place for this season; my sweet spot.

And so I will continue to soak in Jesus, to write, and share my thoughts, and be present, and thrive.

One-Way Ticket. Jesus is Gooooood.

I am three or four days from leaving this wonderful Island of Whidbey to head to another island that holds a precious warmth in my heart: the island of San Pedro, Belize. My heart constricts when I think of leaving my family behind indefinitely, of parting ways with my friends and those who I have grown up with. But the excitement and anticipation is even greater than the sadness.

I shared my testimony one week ago at my church, baring my heart to the community and inviting my audience to join me in worship with our Jesus after my story was told. My life has been one of pain and confusion, but Jesus has been faithful, and has never stopped loving on me. His breath has sweetened over me this past year; His presence has become more tangible, His voice more audible. 

One of my sisters was praying over me yesterday and as she was praying, one of the phrases she spoke to our Daddy caught me off guard, took my breath away.

"Daddy, thank You that our past is not just in the past, but that You are continuing to use it right now, and You will continue to use it in the future." That's not word-for-word, but that's the basic gist of what she said.

Jesus continues to use my past, my faults, my flaws, to bring Himself glory, and to heal this land. He's giving me the opportunity to take these experiences and to spread His love and His life in Belize. He's calling me to speak His good word over the hurting, the poor, the captive, the broken, the speechless, the weary, the angry, the rich and the powerful. He's taking me near to His heart and He is inviting me into His presence.

I have the wonderful opportunity to be on staff at YWAM Destination Paradise in Belize this next September. I'll be a small group leader to 9 girls. I will have the opportunity to speak Jesus' love into their lives, to listen to them, to be there for them, to love on them. I will have the privilege of teaching, of helping with team-building activities. But best of all, I will be doing what Jesus is calling me to do.

I'm headed to Belize in about three or four days. I'm buying a one-way ticket. I don't have the money for my plane ticket yet. But I believe. I believe He will provide, even if it's in the last moment. I've put a ticket on hold with American Airlines. It will only hold for 24 hours.

It costs $481.68.

Jesus has $481.68. I trust Him. I know that this is where I am supposed to be, and I know that He will provide, whether through people, or through a miracle. HE IS FAITHFUL.

Jesus, I surrender my financial state to You. I surrender every fear to You. I trust You. I trust You.

"I will depend on You. All of my hope is in You. I will depend on You.

I will have faith in You. All of my hope is in You. I will depend on You."

-United Pursuit Band

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I would love for you to join me in missions and in carrying out Jesus love! If you would like to partner with me in prayer, or financially, or just want to stay updated on what's going on in my life/walk with Jesus, please e-mail me for more information!

friedchicken177@gmail.com

I Had a Dream Once

Imagine a river, its silvery water writhing and collapsing around itself. It cascades along, careless. You can hear the power in that water. You can see the intensity, feel the noise of the waves bouncing off rapids. Stemming from the mountains, the water is frigid, breathtaking. It's purifying, refreshing, cleansing water. Even when you're standing hundreds of feet away, you can still hear the music of the water, screaming its melodies over rocks and branches and banks, rushing and falling and lapping against itself and the earth.

Somehow though, as you go about whatever you have on your agenda during the day, the fact that a river exists a short distance away slips your mind. Oh, the remembrance of it still exists in the back of your mind, you haven't actually forgotten, but it's no longer a conscious thought. You no longer revel in the throaty, beautiful sound it produces. The incredible sense of peace and passion it had previously evoked in your spirit has dimmed...

Sometimes you remember the river and your heart beats a little faster in anticipation of hearing it once again, seeing its power and hearing the glorious noise it creates.

Sometimes your concentration breaks a bit and the noise rushes over you again and you breathe a sigh, because it's a wonderful sound.

Sometimes you don't even notice that you're not noticing anymore.

Sometimes you forget altogether, and wander away, and never return.

Oh, that we would remember.

Can you imagine? Can you imagine living every day being able to hear the glorious, melodious sound echoing slightly in your spirit? And when you really want to experience it in its fullness, all you need to do is wander to the edges and take it in. Immerse yourself in it, even, if you need refreshment. It may seem painful or cold at first, but afterwards you won't regret it, because you feel renewed, awake and alive and alert. It's wonderful.

Imagine if Jesus was this river. Just think about it. And then, when you've thought about that for a bit, 

re-read this post. 

My desire is to live with the crash and murmur of His presence, of His voice, living in my spirit every moment of my life. I desire Him. 

What would it be like to feel Him every second of the day, whether awake or asleep? Can you imagine the beauty, the refreshing, gorgeous, incredible, awe-inspiring, breathtaking wonder that would be?

Can you imagine?